Michael Vick an Eagle?

In the interest of full disclosure, I am a huge Philadelphia Eagles fan. Cut my hand, and I bleed green. So I really wish some team other than the Eagles had picked up Michael Vick. Vick did things that are so horrific as to defy imagination. He, his friends, and his dog fighting organization essentially tortured animals. Call it a sport if you wish, but it is nothing more than torture couched as a sport. Smaller, weaker dogs and other animals are thrown to the fighting dogs to help them learn to kill. Can you imagine standing there while a helpless dog is ripped to shreds by a pit bull? “Nonperforming” fighting dogs were killed by drowning, electrocution, slamming their body to concrete, and by gunshot.

All that being said, Vick lost his good name, his freedom, his endorsements, and a ton of money from his actions. He had paid his debt to society as ruled by the judge, and the NFL commissioner, and should be allowed to earn a living. If he so chooses, he can show true remorse, turn his life around, and become a real role model. I just wish it were with another team. And at the least, I am compelled to write a few limericks about it. What was Coach Andy Reid thinking? Wasn’t Terrell Owens enough?

The town with the Liberty Bell
Put up with the likes of Terrell
And now there’s Mike Vick
He’s athletic and quick
But how this ends it is hard to foretell.

Said the coach who’s first name is Andy
Number Seven could prove rather handy
But our name of the “Eagles”
We won’t change to the “Beagles”
That won’t fit his modus operandi

In the City of Brotherly Love
You’ll less likely get hugs than a shove
It’s a tough town because
Here they booed Santa Claus
So Mike Vick might not fit hand in glove

This match isn’t quite made in heaven
So with humor I’ll attempt now to leaven
When the Green and the White
Get in a “dog fight”
They can now call on old Number Seven

Virginia Pays $9,000 Apiece for Laptops but Closes Rest Areas

Well, there is some great news out of my state this week that is worth a few limericks. The first is that the Commonwealth of Virginia is paying, through its information technology contract with Northup Grumman, $9,000 over five years for laptop computers. Of course, this includes software and hardware maintenance, but that is still an outrageous amount. What business would pay $150 a month for a laptop? Desktops would price out about $7,000, so they aren't exactly a bargain, either.

This was no surprise to anyone who works at the State, but the surprise was that the paper finally reported it after 2 years of this! Where I work, most of us lost our laptops. They were bought by the state several years ago, given to Northup Grumman, and then we all got desktops to save the $35 a month. At the same time, the Governor is pushing telecommuting, which none of us can do without a laptop. On August 3, the Governor wants as many people as possible to telecommute - but hardly any of us can do so.

This same week, Virginia closed something like 18 rest areas on its interstates to save money. If you are driving north on I-95, there is no highway rest area between south of Petersburg, VA until Columbia, MD - as distance of something like 165 miles. Hold that coffee!

Maybe if we paid a little less for computers we could keep a few rest areas open!

In the state known as the Old Dominion
It’s become many people’s opinion
That nine thousand a pop
For every laptop
Should be outrageous to every Virginian

They want us to telecommute
Wearing pajamas instead of a suit
But with laptops so high
It’s pie in the sky
And therefore the point is quite moot

On the third of next month they proclaim
To work from our homes is the State’s aim
At least that’s what we’re told
But we’re out in the cold
Cause we have no laptops – what a shame!

If you drive north on I-95
I tell you, and this ain't no jive,
If you really must pee
Better, quick - find a tree!
In dry pants I sure hope you'll arrive

Palin Quits; Barry Stalks

Regarding Sarah Palin's surprise announcement that she is resigning from being Alaska's governor, hopefully nothing is wrong personally or with her family, but if not, she is looking like a real quitter....

A suprising announcement burst forth
From the Gov of the state far up north
She's resigning mid-term
And it seems pretty firm
Though she's in year two and not in her fourth

Is she tired of political brawling
Or is there truly a much higher calling?
In a fine game of chess
She blasted the press
Calling their picking on her quite appalling

Most governors serve all four years
At the risk of ruining their careers
So what's up with Sarah?
For her, a new era?
From her foes she'll collect lots more jeers

Former Mayor Marion Barry of Washington, D.C. can now add being accused of stalking to his ever growing resume...

D.C.'s former Mayor Marion Barry
To the lady appeared rather scary
Sure, he's a fast talker
But now also a stalker?
One more thing about him to be wary

Governor Sanford Goes "Hiking"

I haven't written any limericks in a long time, in fact not since the Governor of Illinois tried to sell the US Senate Seat. And now another Governor, that of South Carolina, has left himself pretty wide open to have some fun made at his expense. Come on, Governor - hiking on the Appalachian Trail?

Said the Gov I won’t check my e-mail
And I’ll lose my protection detail
Cause I must get away
For a week and a day
To the mountains to hike on The Trail

A governor, first name of Mark
Told the state he would hike in a park
But he’s dancing the tango
Drinking rum mixed with mango
With a flame that got fanned from a spark

Said the Gov, leaning into the mike,
It’s not true I was out for a hike
In the town of “Good Air”
I had an affair
With a friend that I really do like

His poor State with the tree of palmetto
He has stabbed in the heart with stiletto
Sanford’s lies were so wrong
That his nose should grow long
Like a puppet, hand-carved by Geppetto

Then, I decided that it would be unfair to leave Senator John Ensign out in the cold, so here is one for him. You are a class act, Senator, to be sleeping with the wife of one of your aides.

Ensign said I’m reporting for duty
And I must say, you’re really a cutie!
You’re my aide’s lovely wife
But that won’t cause me strife
So come on, go ahead, shake that booty!